


touch

by Moonprincess92



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Rogue One, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 10:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14788817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonprincess92/pseuds/Moonprincess92
Summary: There's only one person a touch-starved Cassian would trust enough to hold him...





	touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [literatiruinedme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/literatiruinedme/gifts).



It started with Kay.

“Touch starvation,” he repeated, upon Cassian hastily asking him to go back and elaborate. “the act of having a lack of regular skin-on-skin contact, that organics such as yourself need. Do not ask me why you require this, I do not quite understand it, but it is clear that it applies to you and is most probably contributing to your overall current well-being.”

It was a rather blunt statement that Cassin was willing to wave aside at first. As much as he appreciated K-2SO attempting to improve in his life by providing a list of things wrong with him (in order of most important to address) there were just some things that he was certain he couldn’t understand. Scarif had left a lot of scars, just as many unable to be seen as the ones that could, and he’d simply contributed the sour mood to the combination of it all. Him being unable to walk without limping still, feeling helpless, feeling…  _lost_. He had been on admin duty ever since his medical leave had ended and every time he brought up just the mere concept of going back into the field, General Draven would quite pointedly pretend not to hear him.

“When you are back to where you used to be,” everyone just kept on saying. “then, Captain Andor.”

But he was  _never_  going to get back to where he used to be. Where he used to be had turned into ashes along with Jedha and Alderaan and he knew there was no getting it back. Six months of rehabilitation, and all he had to show for it was being able to at least walk without a damn crutch anymore. He was at the point now where he seriously doubted that  _touching someone_ was going to make any kind of difference.

… _however_. With so much spare time now suddenly on his hands, he occasionally found himself subtly researching the topic in between briefings and physiotherapy and after swiping through varying holonet forums while agents droned on in the background, he unfortunately started to find a lot of things that he could relate to. Problem was, someone touching him usually meant getting hurt in some form or another, either from excruciating physio or the act of the injuries that had landed him there in the first place. He was usually more than happy to keep to himself, to have K-2 just as his companion, but he was starting to realise that perhaps it wasn’t the healthiest way of thinking. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had ever hugged someone. Shit, was it as long ago as his parents? There was thankfully one afternoon meeting when he suddenly remembered not to be stupid, he had hugged someone only six months ago, only he wasn’t entirely sure whether desperately clinging to someone on a beach when about to be roasted alive by a radioactive death ray counted or not.

He liked to think it did… otherwise the answer was severely more dyer than just six months.

“But what should I do, then?” he shot back at K-2 one evening.

“It is of my understanding that you should invite someone you trust to spend time touching you on a regular basis.”

There was… only one person he trusted with that kind of proposition.

“… I’m sorry, it’s a stupid idea,” he ended up saying hastily before heading straight for the door.

“Wait, Cassian – are you about to storm out of your own room?”

If it meant avoiding certain humiliation, then yes.

“Look,” Cassian closed his eyes, turning away from where Jyn’s were boring into him. “I just figured that with everything… having someone close by might help.”

“So you seriously called me here to ask if I could… cuddle you?”

Still refusing to look at her, he answered, “Yes.”

Thing was, she didn’t look disgusted with him or repulsed. He’d slowly gotten to know the woman underneath the rough exterior the last six months and he’d learned that while she came off as uncaring, flippant and closed, there was actually a deeply compassionate and still hurting woman underneath it all. She barely touched either, he noticed, keeping hand-to-hand combat training strictly professional and limited to only what was necessary. He could trust her to not think he was crazy at the very least, but he wouldn’t blame her in the slightest if she also told him to get fucked.

“Ok, fine,” she shrugged.

He started a little at that. “Jyn, you don’t have to–”

“Stop overthinking,” she threw back at him. “You asked me whether it was ok, I’m saying yes. It’s ok. You can trust me, so if you ever need to cuddle I’ll fucking be here, all right?”

He didn’t know what to say, only knew that his mouth was struggling to form words.

“So are we doing it, then?”

“What, now?”

“Well, I’m assuming that’s why you asked me to come over,” Jyn shrugged.

He flinched at the embarrassment that rolled over him, even though he knew he shouldn’t feel it at all. He asked, she said yes, it was mutually agreed on and yet he still cringed.  “Yes. Yes, it is… ok. I’d like to do it now, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

She bent down to the floor to start unlacing her boots. He could only stare as she eventually tugged them off, her jacket and several concealed weapons following, Jyn placing the three varying sized blasters and compact vibroblade carefully down on his nightstand. By the time she was glancing back up at him, waiting pointedly, he hadn’t even moved one step.

“How did you want to do this?” she asked.

“You’re really going to make me explain it?”

“Cassian,” she frowned. “I can’t do this without knowing exactly what you want. You have injuries, you have whatever it is going on inside your head, I don’t want to do anything that you don’t like. You have to talk to me.”

 _Talk_ ,like they really hadn’t done at all so far. In all these months of spending time together, watching Jyn join the ground troops, helping her navigate the networks of the Rebel Alliance, eating in the mess together and chatting casually while on guard duty, they’d never properly talked about what they had gone through together on Scarif. Surely this was easier than that? He could do this. If he wanted it, he could do this.

“I… can we just lie down together?”

“Position?”

“ _Hell_  – I don’t know, Jyn,” Cassian anxiously cracked his knuckles, heart racing. “Spooning?”

She finally nodded. “I can work with that.”

She let him climb onto the bed first, which was probably a plus. He didn’t think he would have been able to handle lying down with the image of her already there waiting for him, not to mention that his leg still couldn’t have too much pressure on it. Once he was settled on his side, back facing the wall, Jyn joined him. Her movements were soft, fully aware of him as she carefully settled herself down next to him. He was glad he couldn’t see her face. The only thing was she didn’t actually press back far enough to touch him, and he didn’t quite know how to go about initiating it. His spare arm was awkwardly held against his body between them and he felt her tense like a spooked tooka when he accidentally jostled her trying to un-trap it.

“Sorry–” he murmured. “Can I – sorry, can I put my arm around you?”

“Yes, sure,” she answered.

By the time they finally got settled, they had re-positioned no less than ten times. At first, it was because either his arm was too precariously close to touching her chest (if wrapped around her entirely like he wanted) or too loose to be satisfying (if left casually hanging over her waist like was more appropriate). So they switched, but every time they did his leg would hurt, or they wouldn’t be close enough, or she didn’t like having her back to the door, there would always be  _something_  that made them have to gawkily untangle themselves and be forced to start over. He was just starting to think that this was a kriffing terrible idea, when they finally seemed to fit together. Lying on his back took pressure off his leg, leaving Jyn to simply curl herself around him in whatever way was comfortable, which ended up being with her back to the wall and one of her legs overlapping his, her hands tucked up under her chin next to him.

Finally… it seemed to work for both of them. Instead of remaining tense and stiff to hold, he could feel the stress drain out of her until they were both apparently content with the arrangement. He heard Jyn murmur quietly,

“You ok?”

“Yeah.”

“How long do you want to stay like this?”

“For as long as we’re both comfortable, I guess.”

They stayed until K-2SO barged in two hours later. 

**Author's Note:**

> written for rachael who wanted jyn being there for sadboi cassian......i kinda ended up running away with the platonic cuddling idea lmao 
> 
> I hope yall liked it, pls let me know what u think!   
> xoxo


End file.
